Life is Good (Day 2)

Friday, June 15
I woke up a little later, 6:15!! Sat down at the computer to look at emails. I realize that I really enjoy that, making part of my day writing on the computer. I looked for jobs having to do with veganism. I mean I spent way over 10,000 hours listening to podcasts, reading books and watching videos on the subject and I think I learned a thing or two. I definitely changed my health for the better and perhaps I can give back through a job.

Today was still not a creative day but I kept busy. Took a walk with Norm in Manalapan Rec and was pleased that we did the full trail without me dragging. We went to Costco for Father’s Day food. He left to go play tennis and I spent the rest of the day buying plants and gardening. Was that being creative? I guess so, but it felt like I’m just in 'house' mode. School’s out and I’m seeing my home with fresh eyes. Ahhhhh! The mess, the unfinished projects. I can’t fully relax unless it is a home that is inviting and I am comfortable with. So I will continue to tackle each room or part of each room each day. Still, have to put all the school stuff away. And that basement!

I spent a good part of today emailing the new art teacher. She is bubbling over with excitement with her new job, telling me all about projects she’d like to do with the kids. I realize I haven’t had that much energy in years. All the sad feelings I had leaving school this week are starting to fade, knowing I would not want to go back in September if I couldn't return with that much excitement and optimism. It is time for a new person to bring life back into the art classes. Am I proud of what I did there? Very much so. Each accolade I won, each award I got, each hug from a kid was wonderful. My fear now is in not feeling as productive or as appreciated as I was in school. I have to get past that. Especially thinking who I have to impress is other people. That really has to stop. I have to impress myself. I’m not doing that at all.

I also realized something when I sent an email to Ave tonight. I wanted to get her feedback on how I am handling retirement, 2 days into my new role. I’m a lunatic, I’m scared, I’m not feeling productive, and definitely not creative. After rambling on in my email, I backspaced half of what I wrote and asked her instead about Kentucky, her house, and her dad. It is time to stop thinking the world revolves around me, even as I am overwhelmed with change.

I closed out the day designing a Father’s Day card for Norman. There! That was creative! It was Sam’s idea to do “Papa’s rules for retirement!” I drew a “Life is Good” figure relaxing on a lawn chair for the cover and inside wrote a long list of his day, from working at the club, playing tennis, taking naps, checking Facebook, to playing poker. Another brilliant observation came out of that exercise. I’d like to spend retirement growing old together but do my own thing. What exactly will that look like? Oy.