Chasing Rabbits (35)

July 19th
A fortune cookie left for me on the counter last night after Sam's takeout dinner really hit home. It must have been written just for me.

"If you chase two rabbits, both will escape."

I have been running in circles for the last month, just like Murray does when he chases a squirrel, a bird, or a rabbit around a tree. Silly boy does not realize that the squirrel climbed up the tree, the bird flew away, or the rabbit hopped to safety under a bush. Murray will continue to race around the tree, thinking that if he is patient or clever enough, he will catch his new friend. I have a dream of catching myself a job as an artist and I continue to think that if I am patient or clever enough, I will catch my dream. Lately, I have been torn between tutoring art and painting pet portraits. I don't know which direction to go in, which will make the most sense. And of course, I am so confident in my dream of being an artist, that I wish I could do both. If I chase two rabbits, will they both escape? Perhaps I need to focus on one thing at a time.

Possible leads keep dangling in front of my face, just like a field of rabbits for Murray. I have heard many times that if opportunity knocks, you will only be able to recognize the opportunity if you are ready. I have done my requisite 10,000 hours and I am ready. I certainly can teach a child how to paint. Yesterday, an opportunity tapped me on the shoulder. I met with Nancy, Ping, and Maureen for lunch and I voiced my interest in teaching art to children at home. We were just discussing whether or not asking a Ranney parent would pose a conflict of interest, and Maureen offered such good advice to me. I wish I had typed out how she worded the advice. Her words sounded so reasonable and marketable. Just as we were talking, a Ranney parent walked into the student center at Monmouth University where we congregated. Her boys Elijah and Josiah are adorable young artists from my Ranney art classes, and Mrs. Anderson practically pleaded with me to have them come and work with me. Was this a sign? Was she my rabbit? 

Then at night, Pat texted me with another possible lead for a pet portrait. Her friend Harriet not only wants a portrait, she wants a big one. Well, I watched that cute little cotton tail of another rabbit hop by. Should I chase this one too? Pat said at this rate, she should go into business with me. She brought me two interested leads, neither of which responded to me directly yet, but still possible clients.

When I think of Pat, I also think of my mom. It would have been my mom's birthday today with 91 candles on her cake. I was pregnant with Zach at Mommy's unveiling but she never knew we were expecting. For some strange reason, I sense her every time I think of Pat. We met Pat and Joe in our Lamaze class. She has been a part of my life ever since the birth of Zach. And while I think I am a good and compassionate person, I am not always a perfect or considerate friend. I have treated Pat the same horrible way kids treat their moms. I am forgetful to call her, to be there for her when she most needs my support, or to include her in my life when I should, yet Pat loves me unconditionally and always forgives me the worst, just like any mom would. When I was pregnant the second time, I was in the hospital with Placenta Previa, scared to lose my baby. Pat called me on the phone in the hospital and while it was already a few years since the passing of my mom, I thought it was Mommy on the phone. It sounded like her voice and the tone she would have had in speaking to me. Ever since then, I think of my mom every time I am with Pat.

So if Pat says she is helping me make a business out of my pet portraits, I want to think that is my mom sending me a sign that this is the right direction to go in. My mom, my adorable fluffy rabbit. What color tail do you think she would have? She never liked having gray hair.