Family on the Fourth (21)

July 5th
With the Fourth of July done and celebrated, we are officially thrown into the midst of summer. June 21st, the first day of summer, didn't feel like the beginning of the season, even though the calendar said so. June 21st was just another day of me floundering about, figuring out what to do with myself. Three weeks of Penzu journaling and I've been transported to the Fourth of a new month, calmer in the process and hopefully present in the moment. Yesterday was a lovely day and my thoughts were not rushing ahead to another year of school or to summer projects that I wished I had more time to tackle before the summer ends. After three weeks of self-written therapy in my journal, I could just sit back and enjoy the day.

To celebrate the Fourth, we piled my New Jersey crew into three cars and drove up to Yorktown Heights. Travel was light, even into and out of the city, and that made for three pleasurable car rides. Betty was not part of our trip due to some unfortunate vertigo but her presence in our day was replaced by the addition of little Evey, Sam's girlfriend's one-year-old daughter. My children are branching out and figuring out their own identities as couples and hopefully as parents one day. It is a good feeling to know that is happening even as that means we need three vehicles to go anywhere now. Becca and Adam have life figured out. Yesterday, I enjoyed the pleasure of watching their beautiful young families. I want this for my children. And someday to enjoy the blessings of a little Emma or Lillie of our own.

Zach and Michele were congratulated on their engagement, Adam and Cari on their new home, and I was congratulated on my retirement. Everyone came to enjoy the Fourth with milestones to celebrate. I am finally taking my retirement in stride. I went from sheer panic and guilt to a calm thank you as I was greeted. One of the husbands of Ricky's friends said hello to my dad and said, "hi, Betty," as he looked at me! Okay, so I am retired after all, which means I am officially lumped into an age group that could range 30 years or more. I smiled and later corrected the man. I realize now I that I never found out his name either. My family is growing and I am figuring out my place in life. I hope the next 30 years will be a story to remember and to celebrate, and not just on the Fourth of a new month.