Busy but Bored (27)

July 11th
Writing has helped me come to terms with what is happening in my changing life. My emotions range from a burst of happiness and creativity, to the fear of not feeling happy or creative, to yearning for the calm demeanor I aim to show the world. I fell asleep last night with a text from Norman asking if I'd like to take a 7 hour trip up to Maine because a friend of his enjoys Portland. He is going through his own disturbing worries lately, with dental implant surgery on Friday, wellness checkups next week after a few troubling sugar readings, and a wife bumbling around the house, intruding on his well-honed retirement routine. He just wants to get away. I get that. Only thing is, I do not want to get away. A 7 hour car ride to a destination I am sure is lovely does not sound like a fun activity. I will not have my comfortable bed, my shower with the handheld nozzle, or my kitchen to feed my vegan soul. I am still figuring out my days and I need to be home to get to that place. Then I'll take a vacation.

Yesterday was a productive day, but I ended the night bored to tears. That's just crazy. Zach came by to help fix our new, expensive deck umbrella that was not meant to tip over in a storm but did anyway. We took a lovely walk in Manalapan Rec, followed the walk with chores at home, and lunch on the deck. All wonderful, right? I spent the afternoon shopping for velcro for Maggie's frame and wandered through TJ Maxx, only to decide I needed nothing. Who goes to TJ Maxx without finding something you did not realize you needed somewhere in the store? At home, I did my finishing touches on Maggie. She was framed and signed and photographed for my Instagram worthy moment of the week. I topped off the day with a delicious vegan stir-fry, a walk with Murray and I finally cleaned the house. I should have fallen into bed exhausted, pleased with a full and vibrant day to add to my checklist for a full and vibrant week. Instead, I was bored. I fell asleep with shpilkes. Crazy, crazy, crazy.

I think I am still riding high on my adrenaline burst as a retired art teacher and looking for activities that will keep me feeling worthy. Why that splurge of energy should hit me at bedtime is complete nonsense. All I know is that I do not want to take a 7 hour drive to Maine but at least it might be something to do.