A Writer's Blog (52)

I spent a good deal of Saturday on this blog. I did not sit at the computer all day, but it felt as if I did and that was kind of wonderful. I could get lost in design work and the hours can fly by with ease. Yes, I got exercise and took Murray for a long walk in a park. Yes, I did a social thing and went to an estate sale with Joyce, even making a great purchase while we were there. But when Norman and the boys drove to Brooklyn to see a Cyclones minor league baseball game, I was left with the rest of the day to myself and my Mac computer screen.

Each day, I type my words on Penzu and think about my art, my writing, my life. Each day, I find it more and more difficult to keep it private. My art is in my words and I want to share that with the world. At least for someone to acknowledge me as a writer. It was scary posting my first blurb on Facebook. Actually, Norman took the plunge for me. I received many admirers from a post he shared about my pet portraits. After that deep dive into social media, I posted a few more of my Penzu stories, adding photos of my family and my art, and linking that to the FB world. My FB friends now know I write. I paint and I write.

My journal tells the story of me. I still don't understand why people would be interested in me. They might like something I post because I am the wife of their good friend. Norman has more loyal friends in more places than anyone I know. I might get likes on my painting because the subject of the canvas is an adorable dog. Or, I might get likes on a post about my mom because everyone has a mom. They can relate to that. But who really cares about me?

What I do know as I go through my journey is that retirement changes everything and that has to be a universal feeling. I imagine everyone has the same questions and goes through the same struggles as they face down days not defined by a time clock. And I imagine many people look for ways to be productive, even as happy as they are to say goodbye to their careers. I am not retiring from life, just from Ranney School. My words tell the story of discovery, not just my story of retirement.

Yesterday, I took a leap of faith in my words and designed this blog for my writing. I have over 50 entries in my private Penzu journal, and there were plenty of words to read, edit, and transfer to a new format. Artists don't retire and I don't plan on wasting away for the rest of my life, at least not most of the time. My day on the computer filled a creative void for me, fiddling around and designing a look for the blog, choosing fonts and colors, and coming up with a title that works. It was thrilling to preview and publish the first entry and that energy carried me all the way through the evening until the boys returned from Brooklyn. My writing is now public, not that I have shared it with anyone yet. I am not sure I will ever announce this to my friends and family, but my story is one step closer to being read and remarked on. This is all about my writing and I took my first step.