The Art of Halloween

Me as a football player and Norman as the cheerleader.
Makeup thanks to me, costume credit goes to the Erasmus Hall High School football team

I am not a fan of clowns. Katie isn't either. One fall day, we were driving near a pop-up Halloween shop, one of those seasonal stores delighting in scaring people. A clown was standing at the curb, flagging people into the store. He poked his painted head and bright orange hair into our car window. We didn't see him coming and we screamed as loud as Jamie Lee Curtis. Katie and I never liked clowns. Now we really don't care for them at all.

Q: Why are skunks afraid of clowns?
A: They smell funny.

Zach as Big Bird

Halloween seems to creep up on you unawares, just like that clown in the window. We are happy enough to embrace the cooler weather, pumpkin-flavored lattes and Oreos, a hot bowl of soup and a warm, cuddly sweater. But Halloween means planning ahead. That is not something I do well. Back in the day, Norman and I made a big deal out of dressing up for our friend Ellen's Halloween party. Now I am lucky if I remember to buy candy for the neighborhood tricksters.

Zach and Sam as Batman and Robin

Katie as a chef (not just a costume)

Most parents, including me, will get into the spirit for their kids. My kids were all manner of things from Big Bird to Batman to Hulk Hogan. But I am not the kind to dress up my house or my dog. I even grumbled coming up with a costume for school every year. Thank goodness Bridget organized a group costume every year. Thank goodness I retired.

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite

We all dressed as crayons last year at school. An art teacher as a crayon? That was fun.

I do love the season and I do enjoy chocolate, but I just don't like getting scared. Tomorrow is the Zombie walk in Asbury Park, with strange people strolling the boardwalk in bloody clothes and oozing cuts painted on their faces. I dressed up like that a few weeks ago when I fell and created a bloody mess of my face for real. No thank you.

This year, we won't be home to open the front door with a big bag of candy from Costco. I won't have to grumble over my lack of spirit. We have plans to scare the altacockers in Florida instead.

I know, I can be a ghost... now that's the spirit!